In-flight announcement translations

I seem to recall that some time ago the great George Carlin did a skit about airline announcements being weird. I offer up one of my own.

As heard last night on [Continental 1888]( from Houston to Seattle, after landing: “Please be careful when opening the overhead luggage compartments as contents may have shifted during flight.”

My translation: “Please be careful when opening the overhead luggage compartments, as contents probably shifted when the pilot slammed the plane down on the ground, used max autobrakes and full thrust reversers. This baby wasn’t gonna bounce.”

More Political Irony

While reading the new George Carlin book I bought yesterday, I stumbled across this very fitting quote by Herman Goering:

Of course the people don't want war. But after all, it's the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger.

Incidentally, Mr. Goering said this while on trial for war crimes at Nuremburg. And it's true, as per

Why George Carlin Rules

So I was reading up on CNN about George Carlin going into rehab and it mentioned some quotes from his last appearance at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas:

In his last performance at the MGM Grand after four years before 700 paying customers, he reportedly said: “People who go to Las Vegas, you've got to question their f—-g intellect – traveling hundreds and thousands of miles to essentially give your money to a large corporation is kind of f—-g moronic. That's why what I'm always getting here is these kind of f—-g people with very limited intellects.”

A woman shouted, “Stop degrading us.” Carlin replied by inviting her, in two words, to perform a sexual act upon him.

He said he was eager to get out of “this (bad word) hotel” and back east “where the real people are.”

Anyway, that's one of the reasons I really admire George Carlin. He's not afraid to call it like it is.

Good luck in rehab, George. Can't wait for you to get out.

Update: While visiting Barnes & Noble this evening, I stumbled across the new book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops (ISBN: 1401301347) and bought it. More gems by George.